I SUCK AT EVERYTHING.

I don't know why, but suddenly I feel that I'm really not good at anything in particular.
I used to think that ECE dealed with computers all the time, that's why I kinda wanted it.
But I end up doing so much Mathematics and Physics.
I didn't exactly have the best grades for Mathematics and Physics while I was in Cedar.
Which kinda sucks now, cuz I'm struggling quite a bit.
I'm good at none of my modules this semester, in fact.
Last semester, I was pretty good at MDCAD, this module that teaches us to draw isometric views and stuff.
And EG2 I was pretty good at it too.
This semester's EM3A sucks.
AEL sucks.
I don't understand why we learn AEL for.
And why people like Laoda can get 99/100.
And people like Joel can get 100/100.

And then, some people will come and tell me I'm good at piano.
Honestly I'm not.
Really.
You think my pitching is good, but it's through all the years of training I've gotten that made my pitching good.
I learnt piano for 12 years, since I was four.
I stopped cuz of O'Levels, and I never took it back ever since cuz I'm so busy with dance.
And dance.
I used to think I was pretty good at it when I was at Cedar, doing campfire items.
But when I came into NRA, I felt so wrong about myself.
Everyone else is like uber good.
I felt as though I was a noob.
And many others who are new to dance can dance better than me too.
I try to work hard, but then again maybe I'm not very cut out for dance.
I don't know.
Some people also think I have a nice singing voice.
But when I compare myself to Rachel, I feel like I'm nothing.

People think my blogskins are nice.
But seriously, there are alot of better ones out there still.
Vanessa says my photo editing is good.
But then, many people can do what I do and I can't do what many people can.
My skills for everything is just very mediocre.
I'm like a Jack of all trades but a master of none.

Although I shouldn't compare myself with others, honestly, who doesn't?
It's only human that I am like that.
I can't possibly compare myself to the worser people and keep thinking that I'm damn good right.
But when I compare myself to better people, I tend to get demoralised.
People around me are mostly very humble, who will help me if I needed any help.
Sometimes its also very troublesome to keep seeking for help.

Ann says for dance, hard work is more important than talent.
But I feel that both are equally important.
If I have no talent, I would need such a long time just to learn something.
And then appear as a slow learner to everyone else.
Everyone needs face, and when you appear being lousier than other people, naturally you'll feel that you've thrown your own face.
It's not always the case, but still, I feel this way sometimes.
I don't know about other stuff I do, cuz there aren't many people around me doing it.
What I'm talking about is dance.
Everything gets harder, especially in technique class.
When I cannot catch up, I feel as though I'm uber un-flexible and slow.
And then people like Alfred will laugh at me cuz I do certain things in a funny way.
I once went for the harder technique class.
Everyone else there was so good.
I felt demoralised while having class.

So many things I need improving on.
Time never seems enough.
I don't seem to have enough time to study.
I don't seem to have enough time to dance.
I don't seem to have enough time to sleep.
I don't seem to have enough time to really sit down and plan for my future.
I feel that nothing I do now is gonna work in future.
I once contemplated to go to New Zealand with Rachel to pursue music and dance.
There's alot more exposure over there.
But then again people there seem to look down on Asians.
I don't know.
Maybe just maybe.
It seems like a good choice, but I also can't bear to leave my family and friends here while I'm abroad.
And then, where do I get the money to study overseas?
I may have to end up taking a part time job.
And then hence I may not be able to concentrate on studying.
And I end up wasting more time.

I feel as though I have no more goal now.
Which is uber bad.
I need a goal, real soon.
I need a direction in life.
If only someone can lead me onto a good path.

Want you in my life.

DANCEFLOOR GROOVE AVENUE

We went to support Groove Avenue at the Dancefloor Competition at Mediacorp today.
Many of the groups were blah.
The judges wise, I like Li Lin and that Bill guy.
You all will know who when it starts airing.
And you'll see me on TV too.
HAHAHAH.
Groove Avenue was good!
There were Sophan, Alex, Yuxin, Wang Qing and Yvonne.
They looked so tired after performing.
But they were great.
Another group was good too.
Just the two of us.
Watch them.

My mom says that I'm Cinderella.
Cuz 95% of the time when I stay out late, I always manage to get into the house at exactly 12am.
LOL.

That's so random.
As usual we took loads of pictures.
But I'm really damn busy and tired.
I'll try to post by the weekend.
If not then it'll be during the holidays already.
Shit man.
Exams are coming.
Like REAL SOON.
9 February EM3A I think.
12 February AEL.
THEN HOLIDAYS.
YAY.
5 days extra some more.
SOOOO GOOD MAN.

Short entry.
Thanks for tagging even though I haven't been replying the tags.
Keep tagging aite!
Makes me happy reading them. =)

HMMMMM.....

I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANTED TO BLOG.

I'm nearly done editing photos also.

But then.

Heh.

I'm lazy to upload them.

So till I blog again!

And sorry I haven't been plugging.
I'll do it real soon!

Reminded myself to sleep early today
End up still this kind of shitty timing.

Heck.

I'm happy.
Cuz it seems like he's going to start giving up about his past.
Good thing for me, perhaps.

Aite, off to sleep. =)

2005 TO 2006 TO 2007

I don't know why, but I feel like reminiscing about the past year, and the end of 2005.
Cuz I didn't do it last year.
Remember my blog was on hiatus from October 2005 to March 2006?
HEH.

November to December 2005
- Finished O'Levels.
- Had Prom in Cedar Multi-purpose hall (WTH).
- Rachel announced that she was moving back to Singapore.
- Worked at Beads Etc for 1.5 months.
- Spent Christmas with Rachel. =)

January to March 2006
- Rachel started school at HCIS (haha this is pretty significant)
- Received O'Level results. Not that good, but acceptable for myself =)
- Chose NP as my school.
- Bummed for three months.
- Visited PCPS with Rachel (she hasn't been there for 5 years).
- New hobby of making accessories!

April to June 2006
- Went to the last Cedar Guides campfire.
- Bought my laptop!
- Went to ECE FOC.
- Got into a relationship with a jerk (I don't really care if you're reading this).
- Celebrated my birthday with Rachel for the first time in 5 years. And first time celebrating with Jeremy.
- Went for NRA audition.
- Got into NRA.
- Had first common tests, results were good.
- Went for NRA Dance Camp.
- Didn't get into BoA's group, but I got into JJLin's group so it's alright.
- Put on make up for myself for the first time in my life!

July to September 2006
- Went to The Big Groove.
- Started my class blog (which is kinda dead now).
- Broke up with the jerk (Like YAY, sorry for being happy I just can't help it).
- Tasted the best Calamari rings in the world.
- Finished exams (alright results, GPA 3.3 =))
- Visited Cedar after nearly 5 months.
- Met Victoria, Jacinta and Michelle and became KSCB.
- Started Production training.
- Had NRA Freshie BBQ at Chiltern Park!
- Like the person whose ending initials are YHGN. LOL.

October to December 2006
- Got my Sony Cybershot DSC-T10 in pink!
- New haircut! (Only the fringe though, LOL)
- Had 1D4 Chalet (I organised it!)
- School reopened.
- Stayed over at Rachel's for the first time in my life.
- DANZATION 2006. THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR.
- Public 'broadcast' of me playing piano (recorded) during AGM (damn paiseh =X)
- Rachel left for NZ, and came back.
- Post-Production Party at Butter Factory!
- Common tests again (seriously this time confirm do badly).
- Went Sentosa with 1D4.
- Celebrated Christmas with Rachel, Waner and Jeremy.
- Spent New Year's with Rachel sleeping.

Okay, that last one ain't for 2006.
But yes, events that I'll remember.
Even of that shitty period I went through during June to August.

My dream to join dance as a CCA came true.
My dream to perform on a huge stage came true.
My dream to have great friends came true.

Rachel's extra year here was an added bonus for me.
Without her being back, I don't think I'll ever have the chance to meet her that often.
And without her, I wouldn't have met Waner.
Wahlau I sound like a bloody lesbian but I'm not hor.

The other three girls in my life: KEYSIAOCHAR.
I think they made me even more passionate about dance.
And made my life in NP/NRA so fun.
Shopping trips with them are always great.
Sorry that I haven't been able to let you girls come my house.
One day surely can!

The 1D4 classmates are great, especially with Vanessa around.
If not I wouldn't have someone to gossip with in class.
And no one to get high with when we hear cool songs.

The special someone.
For being there when I was down.
For saying 'hi' whenever you see me online.
For encouraging me.
And for being there.

Sorry, I always say I'm gonna post photos but I don't.
School starting tomorrow, and I'm dreading it.
Haven't finish CATS, ECPRO and COMPRO projects.
So dead.
I've never dreaded school so much.
Maybe cuz in like 5 weeks, the exams are here.
And then, Chinese New Year will be here too.
And then, I'm gonna get money to get new clothes.
And then, I'm gonna go bai nian.
And then, I'm gonna eat so much and grow fat.
And then, I'm gonna get many many angpows.
And then, I'm gonna spend my angpow money.
YAY.
I get high easily.
Speaking of high, I heard Toma when I was trying out clothes in the changing room.
LOL.
Toma gets everyone high.

Aight, I'm so random.
Blogged for 5 hours or so I think.
With random hour breaks in between when I go eat dinner and watch AhWang.
AhWang is a funny show.
I like to imitate him talk.
And I can do it quite well which makes Jassshole laugh.
I'll do it for you to listen if you ask me to.
HAHAHA.
But the show's ending this week.
So sad.
But I'm happy that I don't have to hear AhWang's irritating voice.
But the show's so nice.
And so funny.
Sometimes emo.
But mostly funny.
Okay no more randomness.
I'm such a random blogger.
And from having a motive of this entry become no more motive.
NVM.
I shall go get ready to sleep.
School's at 9am tomorrow.
First lesson AEL.
HMMMMM.
And 5 hour lab session with 'Zidane'.
Hope it ends early so that I can go S&W.