I SUCK AT EVERYTHING.

I don't know why, but suddenly I feel that I'm really not good at anything in particular.
I used to think that ECE dealed with computers all the time, that's why I kinda wanted it.
But I end up doing so much Mathematics and Physics.
I didn't exactly have the best grades for Mathematics and Physics while I was in Cedar.
Which kinda sucks now, cuz I'm struggling quite a bit.
I'm good at none of my modules this semester, in fact.
Last semester, I was pretty good at MDCAD, this module that teaches us to draw isometric views and stuff.
And EG2 I was pretty good at it too.
This semester's EM3A sucks.
AEL sucks.
I don't understand why we learn AEL for.
And why people like Laoda can get 99/100.
And people like Joel can get 100/100.

And then, some people will come and tell me I'm good at piano.
Honestly I'm not.
Really.
You think my pitching is good, but it's through all the years of training I've gotten that made my pitching good.
I learnt piano for 12 years, since I was four.
I stopped cuz of O'Levels, and I never took it back ever since cuz I'm so busy with dance.
And dance.
I used to think I was pretty good at it when I was at Cedar, doing campfire items.
But when I came into NRA, I felt so wrong about myself.
Everyone else is like uber good.
I felt as though I was a noob.
And many others who are new to dance can dance better than me too.
I try to work hard, but then again maybe I'm not very cut out for dance.
I don't know.
Some people also think I have a nice singing voice.
But when I compare myself to Rachel, I feel like I'm nothing.

People think my blogskins are nice.
But seriously, there are alot of better ones out there still.
Vanessa says my photo editing is good.
But then, many people can do what I do and I can't do what many people can.
My skills for everything is just very mediocre.
I'm like a Jack of all trades but a master of none.

Although I shouldn't compare myself with others, honestly, who doesn't?
It's only human that I am like that.
I can't possibly compare myself to the worser people and keep thinking that I'm damn good right.
But when I compare myself to better people, I tend to get demoralised.
People around me are mostly very humble, who will help me if I needed any help.
Sometimes its also very troublesome to keep seeking for help.

Ann says for dance, hard work is more important than talent.
But I feel that both are equally important.
If I have no talent, I would need such a long time just to learn something.
And then appear as a slow learner to everyone else.
Everyone needs face, and when you appear being lousier than other people, naturally you'll feel that you've thrown your own face.
It's not always the case, but still, I feel this way sometimes.
I don't know about other stuff I do, cuz there aren't many people around me doing it.
What I'm talking about is dance.
Everything gets harder, especially in technique class.
When I cannot catch up, I feel as though I'm uber un-flexible and slow.
And then people like Alfred will laugh at me cuz I do certain things in a funny way.
I once went for the harder technique class.
Everyone else there was so good.
I felt demoralised while having class.

So many things I need improving on.
Time never seems enough.
I don't seem to have enough time to study.
I don't seem to have enough time to dance.
I don't seem to have enough time to sleep.
I don't seem to have enough time to really sit down and plan for my future.
I feel that nothing I do now is gonna work in future.
I once contemplated to go to New Zealand with Rachel to pursue music and dance.
There's alot more exposure over there.
But then again people there seem to look down on Asians.
I don't know.
Maybe just maybe.
It seems like a good choice, but I also can't bear to leave my family and friends here while I'm abroad.
And then, where do I get the money to study overseas?
I may have to end up taking a part time job.
And then hence I may not be able to concentrate on studying.
And I end up wasting more time.

I feel as though I have no more goal now.
Which is uber bad.
I need a goal, real soon.
I need a direction in life.
If only someone can lead me onto a good path.

Want you in my life.