version 30; feat. BoA

Suddenly I feel like blogging because I watched Money No Enough 2. This show didn't exactly get a very good rating, but to me it's totally wonderful cuz I really could relate to it. I admit I did cry when the ahma pulled the tube out of her mouth in order to save her granddaughter. Seeing the ahma in the ICU reminds me alot of my late grandfather.

If you all don't remember, my grandfather passed away last year in February. Shall recall the story a little. Chinese New Year's 4th day (22 Feb 2007), my granduncle brought some crabs over to my aunt's house (also where my grandparents lived) and my grandfather was killing the crabs for cooking when he got bitten by one of the crabs. He thought it was nothing, so he just put some antiseptic and a plaster.

That night, he started vomiting and having diarrheoa. I heard from my aunt that his shit had worm-like things sticking out. He had fever, and his wound swell like crazy too but he refused to be admitted to the hospital so my aunt and grandma had no choice but to let him be while continuing to accompany him to the toilet.

It was until 6am the next morning (23 Feb 2007) that he became semi-conscious and so they called the ambulance. The paramedics that came said that my grandfather was in a critical condition and his heartbeats were irregular and also his blood pressure dropped to a very critical state. Upon arrival at NUH, the doctors operated on him immediately. They found that it was the flesh eating bugs that infected him and they would try to remove the bugs, but to no avail. It was then when they suggested amputating his arm from elbow above to increase his chances of survival and to keep the bugs at bay. We had no choice but to let the doctors do it.

After amputating his arm, he was sent to the ICU for close observation. His condition was stable but there was no improvement. The doctors advised us to go home first because almost the whole family was present already and we couldn't do anything by sitting around too.

The next day (24 Feb 2007), we suddenly received a call from the hospital saying that my grandfather could leave anytime and we should go down to the hospital. Nothing could be done to save him already as he was on maximum dosage of drugs as well as he was already on the life-support system. The doctors suggested that we should reduce the dosage of the drugs to see if he could live on his own or let he leave gradually. I saw my grandma agreeing to this decision. The drugs were reduced and the life-support system was turned off. The whole family stood at my grandfather's bedside to accompany him for the last moment. We saw him tear, as though he doesn't want to leave and has many things to say. We saw his life leaving his body.

He died at 13:53, 24th February 2008.

It was school holidays when this happened, so I was at the wake on most of the days to help out. I shou ye for 3 nights because it was my last chance to accompany my grandfather before he continues his journey. I was there to collect the beh kim, and to make records. I went to look at him frequently, and he was lying in the coffin, motionless. The wake lasted from Saturday to Friday, 7 days as it was a Hokkien wake. The embalment wasn't very well done, so towards the end of the wake, we could see my grandfather's body starting to rot a little. My heart really ached to see that.

Almost the whole family was around for the rituals, and for the day of the funeral. It was really hard letting ahgong go into the crematorium. It was hard holding back the tears as we were very close to him.

Till now, I still go to my aunt's house and into his room, where I would see his photograph when he's about 50 to 60 years old and I would call out to him, thinking that he would hear me. It's been long since I last saw him lying on the bed in the room sleeping, watching tv, playing with the younger kids, discussing with my dad about 4D and Toto, and more.

I really miss you, Ahgong.

It's Ahma's birthday soon. It's been long since the family met up. It used to be 4 times a year, CNY, Ahgong's birthday in March, Ahma's birthday in August and Christmas. Now it's been reduced to just 3 times a year. I'm looking forward to it as I finally will have time with my very nice big warm family.

I really should go visit my grandmothers often. I went to Mama's house last Saturday and I could tell that she's really happy to see me. She's the one who brought me up. She's the one who bathed me and cooked for me. She's the one who always bought me tutu kueh and carrot cake. And my Yeye has also passed away, about 10 years ago due to a heart attack. I kinda miss his nagging cuz he would nag that I sit in a very unladylike manner (in which I still do). He would nag that I don't switch off the lights and fans and that I on the taps too big. But he would tell me stories about the Japanese Occupation and I really loved listening to those stories.

I often take my grandparents (or now just my grandmothers) for granted, and that they still have alot of time. In fact, no one knows what will happen. I'm not cursing them cuz I really hope to see them live as long as they can. Someone like my ahgong, so healthy and fit but yet could die in such a manner. And my yeye, all sickness under control and yet could die due to a heart attack. I really must stop taking them for granted.

My parents too. I always take them for granted. My mum always cooks and yet I always go home so late that I don't have dinner together with them. I always flare up at my mum for the slightest reasons which I think is damn bad although sometimes I really don't know why I still do it. I always ask my mum for money whenever I overspend like crazy and she will nag at me but still give me what I need. I always ask mum to help me put this cream, massage my back, but yet never do the same for her. My mum has the best temper ever, yet I always get angry over stupid things. Omg. I really suck as her daughter.

My dad really made my eyes go o.O yesterday. My dad's a pretty chauvinistic person and quite full of himself. Yet yesterday, when I was damn scared for my driving, he actually put down his pride and told me something like "daddy isn't someone very clever, I really worked very hard. someone like me can even pass my driving, I believe someone like you who's so clever can do the same." I don't know why, it really made me look at my dad in a different light. Somehow, just within one day, I felt closer to my dad. My dad always buy my lunch and sometimes dinner, yet sometimes I still complain about it. I really suck as his daughter too.

I think I also take my sister for granted sometimes. I really suck as her sister too.

I really is damn bad at being human. I have to stop taking my family and friends for granted. This is gonna be damn cheesy, but I love my family and I love my friends. You all complete me.